


secrets spoken while you sleep

by imposterhuman



Series: pepperony drabbles [4]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Pepper Feels, Pepper Needs a Hug, Pepperony - Freeform, Poor Pepper, Tony Stark Has A Heart, pepper has nightmares, pepper probably has mild ptsd lets be honest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-29 01:59:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18297977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imposterhuman/pseuds/imposterhuman
Summary: Pepper had nightmares, too.





	secrets spoken while you sleep

**Author's Note:**

> prompt- nightmares
> 
> woo its like 2am and i wrote this in like 30 mins, apologies if it sucks! i feel like the nightmare trope with tony/whoever is always "tony has nightmare and whoever comforts him" and i wanted to flip that on its head, because there is no way pep isnt traumatized by all the shit she goes through in the im movies
> 
> i hope you like it though

Pepper had nightmares, too.

 

They weren’t the screaming kind; no, they were paralyzing, leaving her without breath in her lungs to cry out. They locked her limbs so she couldn’t thrash, stole her voice, and dried her tears. They were as controlled as the rest of her tried to be, another inconvenience to be brushed aside because she simply didn’t have time to handle it.

 

They had been bad, when Tony was kidnapped in Afghanistan. Her boyfriend at the time had broken up with her because of them, unable to deal with her sleepless nights and teary days. They got worse after Stane’s betrayal, but she forced them down. Tony needed her to be whole and functional, not broken and dreaming of him getting incinerated by the button  _ she  _ pushed. Vanko had been a mess, too, but she compartmentalized. The newly-minted CEO of SI couldn’t be sleepless, imagining Tony dead and covered with black veins and electrical burns. No, she needed to be strong again, needed to face down sharks and wolves and whatever wild animal metaphor the Board decided to embody on any given day.

 

Only Tony in her arms, pulse strong, could soothe her nightmares, especially the ones where he stared at her with lifeless eyes and blamed her with burnt lips. When Tony was possessed with an idea, Pepper slept in the lab, unable to face the idea of waking with him not there, because he could be dead somewhere and she wouldn’t know.

 

_ She was in the arc reactor facility again. Glass crunched under her heels, shattered by the metal monsters that haunted the building. She knew Obadiah was hiding around the corner, but he was on the roof, too. She had heard the impact of his landing after seeing him fall from the sky. Tony was shouting, but she couldn’t hear.  _

 

_ The arc reactor glowed a hypnotic blue, almost artificial in its purity. It crackled with power. It was hard to believe that the same power was resting in Tony’s chest, that she had touched it and lived.  _

 

_ There was a button in front of her. Somehow, she knew it would kill Tony. Still, her hand reached forward, not even trembling. Tony appeared in front of her, his whole body lined with black emanating from his reactor.  _

 

_ “Don’t push it,” he begged, electricity arcing over his lips.  _

 

_ “It’s the only way,” she cried. “You told me it was!” _

 

_ “You’re going to kill me,” said Tony sadly. He reached one damaged hand out towards her. His fingers brushed her face right as her fingers brushed the button. _

 

_ “I’m sorry,” she whispered. She couldn’t stop her hand if she tried.  _

 

_ Her hand didn’t slam down on the button. It barely pushed. But the giant arc reactor exploded with a scream that sounded like Tony’s. She watched as the light tore him apart. His eyes never left hers. _

 

_ “You killed me,” he mouthed before he was gone. Only his reactor was left, thudding to the floor with a sad little  _ clink!

 

_ Pepper reached for it, muffling sobs. She had to frame it, because Tony would need it later. It was proof he had a heart, one shared joke of hundreds. She had to get to it. _

 

_ Obadiah Stane landed in front of her, Iron Monger dwarfing her effortlessly. The reactor was crushed under one metal foot. He walked forward casually, forcing her back, back, back, until she was against the wall. _

 

_ “Miss Potts,” he said, powering up a repulsor with a familiar whine. “Your services are no longer required.” _

 

_ There was no escape. The repulsor hit her in the chest, launching her backwards into the broken glass she had so painstakingly picked her way over. _

 

_ “I told you not to hit the button,” Tony whispered in her ear before Stane was looming and everything went dark. _

 

Pepper woke with a start, but not a scream. She felt her cheeks; dry, as expected. The panic hadn’t left her. Her chest felt tight to the point of bursting. She didn’t know where she was, eyes useless against the rising tide of fear.

 

A calloused hand on her wrist dragged her back to reality.

 

“Pep,” Tony’s voice came, soft and sweet. “Pepper, honey, I need you to stop.” His hands were strong on her own, pulling them away from her body. She hadn’t even noticed that she was scratching, but the blood on her hands was sticky and warm.

 

“Tony,” she choked. She couldn’t get words out, but she had to.

 

“I know,” he soothed. “Shh, it’s okay, baby. Come back to me, c’mon. Breathe for me, Pep.”

 

“I killed you,” she sobbed, tears finally falling. It was like the dam broke; suddenly, everything was spilling out of her carefully constructed compartments. “I… it was the button, and I… you told me not to, but I did, I couldn’t stop… and then Stane… it was all my fault you were dead.”

 

Her eyes squeezed shut, unwilling to look at Tony’s face and read what he thought of her. Slowly, carefully, Tony lifted her hand. He put in on his chest, the warm metal of the arc reactor a contrast to the smooth scars and skin there. 

 

“Feel that?” he asked, his heartbeat strong under her fingers. “I’m still here, Pep. It was just a dream.”

 

“I could’ve,” whispered Pepper. “If you hadn't moved, Tony, I would’ve killed you.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Tony said, pulling her close. “I’m sorry I asked you to do that. That’s on me.”

 

“You had to stop him.”

 

“I should’ve figured out a different way,” Tony said into her hair. “You’re stronger than me; I don’t know that I could’ve done it. You’re the strongest person I know, Pep.”

 

She sniffled weakly. “I don’t feel it,” she admitted. 

 

“I know,” said Tony. She pulled away enough to look at his face. He looked impossibly old, even though he was only two years older than her. She was reminded of what he had been through, of what he had suffered; he wasn’t without nightmares himself. “That’s why I’m here: to remind you that you are.”

 

“I love you,” she breathed, hiding it under his rambling comforts. She knew he loved her, too, but she also knew he couldn’t say it back, not yet.

 

“Let me make hot chocolate,” he said with a small smile. He gave no indication he heard her (she didn’t think he did). “It was Jarvis’s nightmare cure when I was younger. Come to the kitchen with me?”

 

She nodded, grabbing his hand and letting him lead the way. The kitchen was warm, cozy and lit golden, even at night. It was as antithetical to her nightmare as it was possible to get, especially with a mug of hot chocolate in her hands and curled up at Tony’s side. 

 

Pepper didn’t often let herself draw strength from others; in her world, she needed to be able to stand on her own two feet, no matter what anyone threw at her. But there, leaning against Tony, she let herself take comfort from his solid warmth wrapped around her. 

 

She was drowsy, tipping on the edge of sleep, when she heard it. Softly, like he didn’t want to wake her, Tony whispered, “I love you, too. So much.”

 

Pepper fell asleep knowing Tony would protect her. They’d talk, when the sun came up; they both had things that needed to be said. But there wouldn’t be any more nightmares tonight, and that was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> pepper potts is literally the strongest character in the mcu fight me on this (but if you do so pls be nice im sensitive okay)
> 
> comments and kudos make me smile!!


End file.
